old people crack me up

Me: thank you for calling, this is Davin.
Old person: what's your name?
Me: Davin (pronounced dah-vinn)
Old person: okay David can you check something for me?

I want to eat my checks

Recently Banking regulations changed and to save money original checks are no longer being returned to the 5% of old people who still manage their finances this way.

Old guy: "It's my constitutional right to do whatever I want with my checks, If I want to shred them or eat them"!

I imagine an old man shaking his fist and shouting at a bank employee about how times were tough in the old country and they dreamed of moving to america where you could eat as much paper as you want.